Why parents drink

This is for all of you parents out there, especially those with boys.

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it' s not only the passion... Dad she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better, she deserves it.

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a Report card that's in my center desk drawer.

I love you.  

"Call me when it's safe to come home..."

I admit it, I'm a fan... GTL baby!

OK, so I probably shouldn't admit this publicly, but I'm about to put it out there for the world. I. Am. A. Fan. Of. Jersey Shore. There, I said it. What can I say? It's a guilty pleasure of mine, and I'm admitting it. Why, exactly, I'm not sure. Maybe because it's like watching a train wreck happen, and you can' keep your eyes off. Maybe it's because I just can't believe that there are people out there who actually live and act like this. It's very foreign to me. But, the "cast" is making money - a lot of it - off of this, and so much more. All because of people like me, who tune in every Thursday night to see what catastrophe is going to happen next.

Snooki, by far, is my favorite on the show. She says it like it is, and doesn't really care what other people think about her. After the show first came out and became a hit, I posted a Saturday Night Live parody of her. Hilarious. It makes me laugh even now. I found this article in the New York Times about her (yes, you read correctly... the New York Times ran an article on Snooki from Jersey Shore). What in the world has this world come to?

Then, I heard on one of those entertainment shows last night that the new Jersey Shore Halloween costumes are out. W.T.F.??? Jersey Shore Halloween costumes?!?!? Did I hear that right? Surely, that is not true. But, oh, is it ever. I Googled it, and found the website. It's costumecraze.com, and right on their front page they have the link. Wow. All because of a bunch of early 20-somethings who lived in a house on the Jersey Shore together for a summer. It's all the craze!!

So, I'm off to get my Snooki costume. Someone please invite me to a Halloween party this year!

Happy fist-pumping!