Drag Races

Those of you that know me, know that I love the drag races. LOVE them. Jay and I have been going for about seven or eight years every Spring to the race track in Baytown on the Friday of the O'Reilly Spring Nationals. It's tons of fun. Those guys are crazy.

So imagine our excitement when we first heard about the Clear Lake Shores drag races. Jay thought that everyone got together on their golf carts and raced. That would be fun. Probably a little dangerous, but fun. Well, we were sorely mistaken.

It just so happens that the Clear Lake Shores drag races happen every Memorial Day weekend. And for every Memorial Day weekend that we've lived here, we've been out of town, so we've never been able to attend. Until this year. And this is like no other drag race I've ever seen. Take a look for yourself:

Sexy?

"She" is my favorite

Those heels make even my feet hurt!

I really don't know what to say about this

Right before the race

The one on the left is "Crystal Meth." He's one of the ones responsible for this debacle.

Don't ask, because I really am not sure myself

As you can see, there are no golf carts involved, except for those of us watching this spectacle unfold before our very eyes. I about peed my pants on several occasions laughing so hard at some of these "ladies," who, by the way, all have stage names. It was certainly a sight to see. I would say about 200 people showed up to watch. The "ladies" race around Sundial park (yes, in high heels), and then they get to do a sashay / prance / walk / dance in front of the judges. There's a crown, sash, and trophy for the winner. No, I'm not kidding. And speaking of the winner, here he... er, I mean she... is:

"Sunshine" took home this year's drag race trophy... yes, that's what that random leg sticking out on the left is. The trophy.

Yes, this may be a bit whacky and crazy and out there, but it's part of what makes living in Clear Lake Shores so damned fun. I can't wait to see what they do next year! Nice job, ladies!

Oops!

I deal with this kind of stuff every day. Everyone, and I mean everyone, expects that because you are in PR and communications you will never, ever, ever, EVER make a mistake. And my response is always, "that's an expectation that I cannot meet, so you are automatically setting me up to fail." It's true. We're all human. We make mistakes. No matter how many times I look at a brochure, news release, email, catalog, etc., along with three or four people in my office, it sometimes happens. Plain and simple. We're all human.

And it happened at the University of Texas.



I'm not gonna lie. It's embarrassing when it happens. But it just goes to show that it happens. And all you can do is apologize, fix the problem, and move on. After all, it's really not the end of the world. I promise.

Happy Pi Day!

In honor of 3/14 (that's Pi Day for all of you that don't know), here's a pretty clever video. Enjoy!

Paraprosdokians

I know what you're thinking. What the ??? A paraprosdokian? Allow me... A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation.

"Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.

Thanks to my dear friend PB, here are a few more.

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left..
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think that they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
26. Where there's a will, there's relatives.

Happy Tuesday!

Why do parents do this to their kids?

Seriously? WHY?

Weird celeb baby names

Test Run

A couple weeks ago at our neighborhood Thanksgiving party, we had fried turkey cooked in an oil-less fryer. Yes, you heard me correctly.  Fried turkey cooked in an oil-less cooker. Although at the time we didn't know it was an oil-less cooker. But as soon as we found out, you guessed it. We had to go buy one for ourselves.

We always do a fried turkey on Thanksgiving, but the worst part is a) the price of the peanut oil; and b) what to do with the peanut oil after we're done. This product solves it all. I am not kidding. Awesome. Turkey.

We did a test run today just to make sure we knew what to do, and it turned out great! Here's a few pics from the experience. YUM!!

Random Thoughts

Before I get to today's random thoughts, let me update you on the Couch-to-5K workout. I'm repeating week 7. I finished week 6 on a not-so-good note, and got really frustrated and wanted to quit, but I didn't. Week 6 day 3 was running straight for 2.5 miles, or 25 minutes. And I couldn't do it. I got frustrated and wanted to quit, but a friend sent me some encouragement (thanks PB!) and I'm back at it. I wouldn't recommend eating Tex Mex at a late hour on the eve of Week 6 day 3. Just sayin'.

So, now for those random thoughts...

• The Roger Clemens trial. I have a little bit of interest in this for a couple reasons: 1) He played at San Jac, so our name is coming up a lot with his, so for work purposes, I kinda have to pay attention. 2) Just the absurdity of the whole thing. I get that lying under oath is probably not a good thing to do, but really? I think we have better fish to fry in the big scheme of things. 3) The jury selection. Have you been following this? They had a hard time seating a jury (see #2), but once they did... wow. That's about all I can say. Where do they find these people? Take for instance, juror #16: Female, lawyer for Federal Communications Commission involved in TV station licensing. Husband also is lawyer and they have one son. Says she looked up Clemens on Internet after husband told her she might be on Clemens jury. Has no trial or criminal law experience, but close friend is married to prominent defense lawyer. Once worked with personal trainer, but says they never discussed dietary supplements. Says she doesn’t know how to turn on TV at home. That last sentence is the one that gets me. Um... you work for the FCC in the TV station licensing department as an attorney, and you don't know how to turn on a TV? Who's lying under oath now? I just really have a hard time believing that. OK, enough about that.
• Casey Anthony. I'm having a love / hate relationship with our justice system. I love it because it's better than any other in the world. I hate it because of situations like this. Not a reasonable doubt to convict her. We all know she did it, yet because they couldn't prove it beyond a reasonable doubt, she walks. She'd probably be better off in jail. There are a lot of people out there that hate her, and want her dead, too.
• Small town politics. They're  just as bad as big town politics. And we've got some small town politics going on here in Clear Lake Shores. All I have to say is karma is a bitch.
• And finally, my niece, Ella. Isn't she adorable?!?!?! I just love her to pieces! We got to see her over the July 4th weekend, and I loved every second of it!

Kids say the darnedest things

I don't know what else to say, other than kids say (and do) the darnedest things. Enjoy!

This one has received more than 331 million views. Yes, I said that correctly. 331. Million.



And this one is just cute. Watch it all the way to the end (it's only 55 seconds)

Pretty darn good weekend

I have to say that this was a pretty darn damn good weekend. Just short of amazing, actually. There are only a few things that could make a weekend amazing (in my opinion), and none of them happened this weekend, so I can't call the weekend amazing, but I can call it pretty damn good.

We're working summer hours at the office, so we're off Friday afternoons at noon. That makes for a pretty damn good weekend without everything else that went on! We were having friends over on Saturday afternoon, so Friday was spent at the grocery store and cleaning up the house. Let's just say it needed it!

Saturday was an early wine tasting outing to Haak Winery in Santa Fe. A friend won this in a silent auction and was so kind to invite Jay and I (thanks, PB!). We had never been to Haak before, so we were really looking forward to it. And, we weren't disappointed. Granted, it wasn't the wine country in California, but it was pretty good. I actually learned a few things about wine that I didn't know before. And, confirmed my taste for Tempranillo. LOVE. IT. Enough said.

Four bottles of wine, two bottles of cooking wine, and three wine glasses later, we were back at our house, along with a group of folks. We hung out and grilled up some burgers. CK brought chips, queso, and creamy jalapeno (just put an IV in me), and we munched and ate and drank some more wine and chatted. It's been awhile since we were all around a table doing that, so it was definitely good for the soul. We missed KK though! The rest of the day was spent riding around in the golf cart, as is custom for a weekend in Clear Lake Shores. We enjoyed watching the boats in the channel get pulled over by law enforcement for a variety of reasons... expired tags, drinking while driving, too many people on the boat, kids not in life jackets. Really, people? It's Memorial Day weekend. You have to know that the law is going to be out.

On Sunday, it started as all Sundays do with breakfast / lunch at our usual spot, and then it was all about the boat. I was able to work on my tan and it was just a nice day cruising around.

Today, Memorial Day, was a lazy day around the house. We took some time to remember what the day is REALLY about. We talked about our grandfathers who served, Jay's dad who served, and our many friends who are currently serving. Yes, it's nice to have the day off of work, but Memorial Day really is about those who have sacrificed so that we can have the freedom to do what we want on our days off. The coolest part of the day was heading over to Kemah (under the bridge) and buying fresh shrimp right off the boats as they came in. We decided to have shrimp Florentine and peel and eat shrimp for dinner, and it did not disappoint. Between purchasing shrimp and dinner we freshened up the mulch in the front yard. It looks really good now (if I do say so myself)!

All in all, I couldn't have asked for a much better weekend. It was great to see the Rice girls - love you all - and to spend some time outside. I hope you all had a pretty damn good weekend, too. Here's to a good (short) work week!

The Darwins are out!

The Darwins are out!!!!  

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California  would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company.. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape...

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast... The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for.. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Diaper Cake

I was invited to a baby shower this weekend for Jay's sister-in-law. Yes, Jay is going to be an uncle in April, but that's an entirely different post. I thought I would put my creative skills to the test and make a diaper cake. I've seen them at other showers that I've been to, and thought they were really cute, so I did some research on that there Internet thing, and off I went to Target to buy supplies.

It turned out to be really super easy to make, and for my first one, I have to say that I'm pretty proud of myself. It came out really cute! What I love about diaper cakes is that you can put whatever the hell you want on it. And considering the fact that Scott and Amy had requested diapers, and then had a bunch of little stuff on their registry, it made it quite easy to pick and choose the "ingredients."

Here are a few photos of the process and the finished product. I may have to go into business!!

Have a great week!

Mullet Mania, Part II

For those of you that need a laugh, enjoy. These are pretty good!

Favorite Super Bowl commercials

What was your favorite Super Bowl commercial? Here are a couple of mine.










I can't find the other one that I liked. It was the Kroger commercial with Nolan Ryan. If anyone has a link to it, please send it to me!r

Random thoughts from the last couple of weeks

• The weather. Seriously, Mother Nature? I'm over the cold. I promise when it's 100 degrees in June, I won't complain that it's too hot. I promise.
• The weather. It was in the 30s on Friday, and the city of Houston was shut down because of 1/4" of ice. It's amazing how South Texas is not equipped to handle a little freezing rain. Although, to our credit, all of the weathermen said we were supposed to get snow, and that didn't happen. But that's an entirely different blog post altogether. And then our governor, pRick, sent all of our resources to Dallas to handle the weather there for the Super Bowl, so that left South Texas a little screwed.
• The weather... in Indianapolis (where I am now). It's a high of 12 and a low of -2, not to mention a wind chill of -16. Really? Who's great idea was it to have a conference in Indianapolis in the middle of February? OK, enough about the weather. I think you get my point.
• Indianapolis, Indiana. I love this place. LOVE it! And it's good to be back, albeit if it is just for a few days in the frigid arctic. I knew the minute I stepped foot on the IU campus that I was meant to be here. And I loved living in Indianapolis. If I didn't live where I live now, I would live here. Yes, despite the frigid arctic weather (there I go again with the weather...).
• Conferences. I really enjoy attending them. It's always a learning experience and a challenge. This one especially. It's out of my realm of what I do on a daily basis. This conference is really focused more at faculty and administrators and our goal of student success, but what I like is attending the workshops to figure out how I, as a marketing and PR professional, fit in and can make a difference. I just hate being gone away from home for so long. It sucks.
• Speaking of sucks, losing to Purdue. I hate it. IU lost tonight to Purdue. It's like Ohio State losing to Michigan. It sucks. But at least I got to watch the game. That doesn't happen back home very often.
• I love a great work out. Enough said.
• What I don't love is the women who show up at the gym in the hotel who clearly don't work out on a daily or even weekly or monthly basis. They have a full face of makeup, hair done, in their matching track suit with pristine tennis shoes, and they get on the treadmill, stand with legs straddled on either side, turn on the machine, look down to see that its going too fast, and then are confused as to how to make it go slower. Really? Go back to the bar.
• Coconut M&Ms. I discovered these today. O M G
• The Dallas airport... a shopper's heaven. Seriously. Who knew?

I guess that's it for now. Have a great week!

No cheerleaders at the Super Bowl?

How can that be? I know, I asked the same thing. I mean, I was a cheerleader myself, and the thought of no cheerleaders at the Super Bowl is both horrific, and, quite honestly, a little ironic.

So here's the deal... There are six teams in the NFL that don't have cheerleaders. Again, how can that be? I mean, after all, it's the N . F . L . As in National Football League. How can you not have cheerleaders? That's just crazy to me, but whatever. Of those six cheerleader-less NFL teams, the Packers and Steelers are two. What are the chances that the two teams in the Super Bowl are two of six in the league without cheerleaders? I wonder if Vegas had odds on that one.

But I digress... What makes this ironic is the fact that this year's Super Bowl is in Dallas... as in Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders... as in, probably the most iconic cheerleaders in the league. Ever. Period. End of story. Not that I'm a Cowboys fan. Or a Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders fan. But I mean, really? No cheerleaders in the Super Bowl, and the big game happens to be in the home of the most revered NFL cheerleaders. What are the odds? Seriously?!?! What. Are. The. Odds???

So, who's your pick in the big game? I'm a Niners fan, so I have to say Go Steelers!

Stripper pole

Somehow the staff in my office got on the topic of stripper poles last week during a staff meeting (apparently I wasn't in the office during said staff meeting... not sure where I was, but that's a different story). It again came up in yesterday's staff meeting. I'm not sure what it is with stripper poles and our staff, but whatever. So, based on that conversation, one of my staffers sent me the following video. I have two words for you. Hahaha and ouch!

Brett Favre

I know some of you who read this blog are Brett Favre fans. I, however, am not. Look, the guy can play football. I'll give him that. But I get so sick and tired of all of the hype every off season as to whether or not he's coming back to play. But really, Brett? Just retire already. You're past the game. And now with all of the recent shenanigans that he's gotten himself into, I'm over him. Over it. So you can imagine my reaction when I saw the Saturday Night Live skit this past weekend for the latest Brett Favre jean commercial. Oh. My. Goodness. I love SNL! Enjoy!

Intruder in bed

I can't believe this! This is a story out of Huntsville, Alabama. A woman woke up one morning to find someone she didn't know had climbed in to her second-story room through a window and was in bed with her. I can't make this stuff up, and I don't know how the anchor and reporter kept a straight face.



How does the media find these people?!?! I don't know about you, but I thought that was pretty funny. But wait. There's more. Watch this:


HIDE YOUR KIDS! HIDE YOUR WIFE! HOMEBOY! You're DUMB!


Oh. My. Goodness. If you don't have a stomach ache and tears in your eyes right now from laughing so hard, then there is something wrong with you. Seriously. That last video was #1 on iTunes after it came out, and to date has more than 19 million hits. True meaning of viral!


Happy Wednesday!

MIA

Hello! I'm still alive. I realize I've been MIA from the blogging world lately. I apologize... Personal stuff. But, I'm back (for now), and thought I would share a few of my favorite finds from the last couple of weeks.

The first is one of those "Why the hell didn't I think of that?!?!" Whatever am I talking about, you ask? Check it out. I mean, seriously? What a genius idea!

And then, there's the Wal-Mart pictures. I love these. I seriously can't get enough of them. So enjoy!

I call a new rule at Wal-mart: If the hole in your jeans is big enough for me to slip my hand inside and sneak a little squeeze, then by golly you best be on guard!  The squeezer, however, retains the right to either squeeze or not to squeeze!   Sarasota, Florida     Unfortunately, the only strap working on this entire outfit is the one holding that hideous hair in place.  Is that former Federal Reserve Chairman Paul Volcker's wife or is that Paul Volcker?  Los Angeles, California

 

Don't laugh!  Its okay, because Bambi's granddaughter borrowed her skirt.  Plus, today is combination Casual Friday and Crazy Hair Day, all rolled in to one.

College Station,  Texas

 

 

 

 

Where exactly does one buy a short pink outfit like this to beef shop in?

Birmingham, Alabama

 

 

 

So, this is either a cross-dressing nautical Popeye enthusiast OR ….... well, fill in anything.

It really doesn't matter, because nothing we say will make any sense.  Who lets these people

out of the house un-championed?

Destin, Florida 

 

 

Those purple shorts are HOT!!!  I saw those same shorts one time on an elephant in a circus in Belarus .  The house shoes make the outfit!

Columbus, Ohio

 

 

 

Whatever happened to No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service?  Is that a turban on his head or a serving of Jiffy-Pop?  Is the girl in the background taking a picture or teaching the guy in the black wife beater T-shirt to play, "Here is the church and here is the steeple.  Open it up and here are the people!"  Is the chick in the green bikini top putting on makeup?  Honey, you should have saved your money and purchased either a T-shirt or a case of Slim Fast.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

 

 

 

Agerton? ...........  Is that you?  What do you expect me to say?  That's exactly what he looks like from the rear.  True, I've never seen Agerton in heels.  Still, if I told you there is a picture where purple hair is the least weird thing going on, would you believed me?  

Mobile, Alabama

 

 

Britney Spears let herself go again.

Slidell, Louisiana

    

 

Is that a THONG Ollie Hopnoddle is wearing??  I can't look again or I'll go blind.

Mountain Brook, Alabama

 

 

No way, Laquanda, absolutely not!  That outfit does not at all make you look like a Hooker.

Midlothian, Virginia

  

It's like a big pink garbage bag filled with creamed corn and door knobs.

Houston, Texas

  

 

This is perfectly understandable.  Elena Kagan was just on her way to the Country Club when she remembered she need some coffee and a couple of yoga videos.  Besides, she thought to herself, I'll just throw on these gray shorts and I'll be smokin’.

Nashville, Tennessee  

I love talking with Freidagurtz Finkelstein, because she always seems so surprised and interested in what I have to say.

Grand Rapids, Michigan

 

 

Holy Golden Illusions of Grandeur, I gotta get me that outfit!!!!

Alpharetta, Georgia

  

 

 

Toss in some cat food and Cooter is the loneliest guy in town!

Fort Payne, Alabama

 

 

Someone else can try to figure out what she's doing, because I have to go wash my eyes out with bleach.

Oxford, Mississippi 

I have infinite admiration for the sheer strength of good quality denim.  Moreover, I will be eternally thankful if Honeysuckle's jeans wait until she reaches the truck to explode.  Seriously, they should consider using denim on the next NASA space shuttle.

Spring, Texas 

 

 

For those times when you need fried okra and chicken strips so bad, that you just can't wait for the bleach to set. 

Montgomery, Alabama

 

I warned Ronnie not to wear that shirt out of the house.  Please, someone go provoke him.  I want to see him whack somebody upside the head with a two 2-liter bottle of Squirt!

Brewton, Alabama

O.M.G.

Creamy jalapeno is about to be right around the corner. I can't believe it! Chuy's - the best Tex-Mex food EVER - is coming to Webster. I saw it today with my own two eyes. Jay and I were out running errands, and were sitting in traffic on I-45 at NASA Rd. 1, and I looked to my right and saw the building with the name on the front. Jay tried to distract me, but I know what I saw. I was dancing in the driver's seat of my car. Yes, it's that exciting. Seriously. If you've never had creamy jalapeno, then, well, then I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry. It's so fabulous I can't even begin to tell you. I only used to get it when I lived in Houston. Then, they opened a location in The Woodlands, so that was my treat when we went up there. To think... Once the Webster location opens, I can pretty much have creamy jalapeno whenever I want. That. Could. Be. Dangerous.